and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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