if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
