Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize