Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
