Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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