Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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