Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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