too bad you live with your parents still
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
