sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
