Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize