East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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