just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
