Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
