My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
