She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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