you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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