the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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