My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
