I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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