saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
