i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize