Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
