I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
