24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize