you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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