Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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