i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
