Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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