Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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