I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
