i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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