I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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