we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
