Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
