i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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