she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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