he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
