I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
