and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
FUCK WHALES
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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