your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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