I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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