Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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