If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
