morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
