Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
