She's JV to your varsity
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
