Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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