Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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