Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
