I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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