I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
