So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The uberlube is also flammable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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