i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
