fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
