these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
