dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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