that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
