It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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