So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
