I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
