I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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