I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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