Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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