You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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