Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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