all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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