I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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