So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
