Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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