is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
