Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
