Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
