He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
