I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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