yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize