the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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