Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize