I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
