I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize