i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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