my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
