You made me cry and you don't even care
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
