i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
