someone threw a dead crab at me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize