If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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