Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
