i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
