I think my fart just growled at me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
