after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will be naked everywhere
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
