all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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