I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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