Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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