party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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