My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
