i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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