you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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