I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's Friday. Sex?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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