Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
