Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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